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Oh deary me.  Seems I’m the latest one to get hit with the china domain name scam.  Haven’t heard of it?  Oh, this is a cool one.  You don’t have to take my word for it, it’s been going on all over the place.

You see, this nice domain name registrar company in China has noticed that one of their customers is trying to register YOUR domain!  And, to make things even worse, they are trying to register your Intellectual Property Rights as well!  Well, this gosh by golly good ol Chinese Domain Name Registrar has decided to do the right thing and contact you so you can avoid this whole mess!  They will allow you to head off this nefarious domainer at the pass and register the domains with them on your behalf.

What a cool company huh?  They’ll be happy to send you a list of all the domain names this international terrorist mastermind has given them to register, along with their special “you almost got robbed but we are here to save you” rates so they can  register it for you!

Wow, bestweb-service.net is great ain’t they.

It works like this.  They start going through the Internets, and find your domain.  How?  How’d you find this site?  They just did, trust me on this one.  Then they check of possible combination’s of your domain name, but ending in different tld’s, that are available, then hit you with a scary letter that sounds like this

Dear CEO&Principal,

We are a professional Internet consultant organization in Asia, which mainly deal with the global companies’ domain name registration and internet intellectual property right protection. Currently, we have a pretty important issue needing to confirm with your company.

On Nov 26, 2008, we received an application formally, one company named “SUSNES Holdings Ltd.” wanted to applied for the Internet brand “badassdomain.com” and some domain names through our body.

During our preliminary investigation, we found that these domain names’ keyword and internet brand is identical with your trademark. I wonder whether you consigned SUSNES Holdings Ltd to register these domain names through us or not? Or is SUSNES Holdings Ltd your business partner or distributor in Asia? Currently, we have postponed this application of this company temporarily already. In order to deal with this issue better, please let the principal make a confirmation with me by telephone or email ASAP.

Best Regards,

Lydia

Auditing Department (HK)

Tel:     00852-95660496
00852-95660489
Fax:     00852-82261011
Mail:      lydia@bestweb-service.org
Web:     http://www.bestweb-service.net

Wow, how nice, so I took the bait to see what would happen, and I sent them this.

Lydia,

I have owned “badassdomain.com”, net and org since 2005-10-16, and have registered the brand as a Trade name.  So What exactly are you blathering about?

I have no idea who is SUSNES Holdings Ltd, they are not my business partners in any way, shape or form.  Wait, are those the guys I see hanging out at the local gin joint with a couple of hookers, a crack pipe, and a donkey with questionable underwear?  I mean, I don’t frequent these kind of establishments, but those fuckers owe me money.

Please feel free to contact me should you have any further questions.

Thank you.

Mr. Rumblepup
CEO
&Principle&SuperHeavyweightChampionOfTheWorld
“badassdomain.com”

To which Lydia quickly and kindly responds:

Dear Mr. Rumblepup,

Have a nice Thanksgiving Day!  Thank you for your reply. If you have no relationship with them. According to our working experience, there are 2 possibilities:1.SUSNES company is a domain name investment company, they want to register these names before you and sell back to you to gain profits;2.It may be a commercial method, SUSNES company is consigned by your competitor to register, they are trying to replicate your idea and let your customers feel confusion.

We knew your company has registered the domain name “badassdomain.com” and own the intellectual property, this is why we informed you. But now SUSNES company do not want to register your trademark or domain name “badassdomain.com”, they wanted to apply for other domain names and internet brand you have not registered yet.

Following are all the domain names and internet brand which are submitted by SUSNES company:
1. Domain name
badassdomain.cn
badassdomain.com.cn
badassdomain.net.cn
badassdomain.org.cn
badassdomain.asia
badassdomain.hk
badassdomain.tw
badassdomain.biz
2. Internet brand
badassdomain

Because domain name takes open registration, this is international domain name registration principle. So SUSNES company has right to register it. As a domain name registrar, we have no right to stop their application. I think you must know some cases about the domain names grabbed by the third party,we also won’t want to see similar things happen.

As the company whose trademarks relate to the applied domain names, you will get the priority to register these domain names and internet brand. If you think these domian names are important to your company,we can send you a dispute application form and help you to register these domains within dispute period, this is a way to prevent domain name from grabbing. Of course, each company has their own idea. If you don’t think their registration will confuse your clients and harm your profits, you can give up. In order to proceed next step work better, please give me your decision as soon as possible.

Best regards,

Lydia

..

Now, you have to understand that at this point, it’s 4AM in the morning and I’m feeling a wee bit wicked.  I mean, this is just entertainment at this point, so I respond on more time.

Lydia,

I’m sorry, but I can’t understand a fuckin’ thing you have written.  Not only does this read like the wacky information you find on those Chinese Herbal Tea Diet Pills, like “the state of obesity is the fact of being too fat” (Ha, that one always gets me) but it’s also so incredibly eyeball socket grating as well.

I mean, what does Thank you for your reply. If you have no relationship with them.‘ supposed to mean?   Are you thanking me for my reply as long as I don’t have a relationship with them, because if I do, then to hell with me?

According to our working experience’.  Wow, your working experience actually SPEAKS to you?  Mine hasn’t spoken to me since I went to work for Siegfried & Roy all those years ago, but that’s another story.

they are trying to replicate your idea and let your customers feel confusion.‘   Oh yeah?  Well what if my customers are not allowed to feel confusion huh?  I mean, I know the Chinese State pretty much controls everything over there, but over here in the US, the only people who control anything are the ones with the big tanks.

they wanted to apply for other domain names and internet brand you have not registered yet’ OHHH, is that all?  Go ahead and let them have those domains.  I’m good with that, cause none of my customers are in China, and you know, I own the .com and everybody knows that there are those Chinese Malware Sites and all.

As the company whose trademarks relate to the applied domain names, you will get the priority to register these domain names and internet brand.’ Now your just trying to make my head spin.

If you don’t think their registration will confuse your clients and harm your profits, you can give up.NEVER, NEVER will I give up.  Don’t you understand, that this is my calling in life?

In order to proceed next step work better, please give me your decision as soon as possible.’ I mean really, What the Holy Hopin Horseshit is that?  Does that mean you want my next step better work, or are you warning me about a hole in the floor, and to be carefull where I work?  Or is that step?  What, do you think people in America can’t walk or something?

Ok, since you said please…here’s my decision.

Go away and take a course in ‘Using your brain to think – The Curly Method‘ and see if we can get some better communication going.

Yours Truly

Mr. Rumblepup

CEO&Principle&SuperDeluxeHamburger

badassdomian.com

I haven’t exactly gotten a call back yet.